Where I Stand Today

A thought that sounds quite normal, but it had been puzzling and scaring me for a while; how where I stand now is a result of the accumulation of so many decision and choices, either taken by my parents or taken by me at an earlier stage. I’ll leave my parents aside as they seem pretty sane to me, I really love their wisdom, and I’ll talk about the decisions taken by my humble self. It just sounds weird to me how the 22 years old girl that I am now has been so much affected by the decisions taken by the 6 years old girl that was here 16 years ago. It starts at 6 and goes all the way up till 22. Decisions and choices at the age of 6 or 7, 12 or 13, 15 or 16 that are still playing a major role in my life till this moment and probably will stay in effect until the day I die. Truely isn't that a wonder? I mean, would you let a six years old kid take decisions for you that could affect your life so greatly?! Leaving the six years old kid alone and looking at the 18, 19, 20, 21 and 22 years old people that have been passing by me lately. Although the dates might seem close, yet I feel there's a difference between who I am now and who I was a couple of years ago. It feels like I've been learning at an exponential rate since the day I came to college. It strikes me how I should be bound by the decisions taken by a person that I now regard as having been so immature. There were decisions that could be changed, they left some bruises but I learned my lessons. But there were others that just couldn't be, and once you made a choice, it's too late to get back to it and change it.
Although I sound so confused and all I still don't think the decisions I've been making so far are too bad, at the opposite I think I've done kinda well so far, except in some situations.. (well I'm going through a self-acceptance day today if u know what I mean :P). Anyways.. what's worrying me now is not the past in connection with the present, but the present in connection with the future. I'm afraid I'd look back when I'm at the age of forty and think to myself.. "What has that stupid immature 22 years old girl done to me!!". I'm afraid of taking any decisions now 'cos any decisions at this stage will have way too deeper marks than any others I'd taken in my life. I'm afraid of messing up, of screwing up my life for me. Yet I'm afraid of the fears that I have, scared they'll do nothing but tie me down, not letting me experience anything. I'm dreaming of being able to create some restoration points in one's life, which get created whenever you're about to take any major decisions, and which you can rollcack to anytime you like, undoing all the negative effects, yet keeping all the lessons learned and the experience gained. Of course I don't wanna get started in talking about all the minor choices we take, not knowing they could have a huuge effect on our lives, you gotta watch the movies "Sliding Doors" and "Butterfly Effect" to know what I mean.