Written Flashbacks 1: The Shell is the answer..

I decided to go through some posts I'd written almost two years ago in some forums. I felt I wanted to take a look at myself two years ago and compare her to the current person that I am. I also felt that there were those pieces of me scattered here and there (my thoughts ya3ny :P) and I kinda wanted to get in contact with them, and may be gather them in one place.

I found this piece of writing, an extract of a much longer post that dates back to 27th of July 2003. It had that same sense of confusion that I still have till now, but it was way more back then as it seems. This gave me a sense of satisfaction (almost). Although I haven't completely found myself, still haven't resolved the inner contradictions, but I feel things have got better.

Here's that piece of writing:

"I guess I need to take some time to try to search within my soul to realize who I am to start with. Sometimes I feel I'm strong in a good way that'd protect me from getting hurt, other times I feel I'm just 'too' strong to an annoying extent. Sometimes I feel I'm so cold and heartless, but then I get confused when I shed a river of tears for ANYTHING.. when I listen to a sad song, watch a sad scene in a movie or listen to another person's problem. I know I sound like a psycho already. I guess I've got a gr8 deal of soul searching to do but I dunno where or how to start…"

Well the answer I'd give me now, two years later lies completely in that newly found concept.. the Shell... that layer that shields the extra sensitive core against the external world... with all its pros and cons that can take me ages to talk about. I guess this should be my starting point now... learning more about the shell, how to handle it, whether I should keep it or not, is it even possible to get out of it and free myself completely or would that mean death out of pain for the extra sensitive unprotected fragile creature inside.. I wonder!