Impossibilities List

Well well well.. My vacation is coming to an end and I don't know what to do. I was hoping that the rest-in-bed initiative might put an end to the problem. I can't deny I'm slightly better, but I feel it'd only take a couple of going-outs or work-days to bring back the pain. Although I try as much as I can to maintain a positive attitude about this, but all I can think of now is all the things I could do in the past, but could no longer do, or the things I was hoping I could do one day, and seem waaay far from possible now. So by listing all those things I hope I'd get disconnected from these thoughts.. hopefully...

Things I used to do, but are no longer possible:

1. Walk home from Abbasseya (ayyam el kolleyya that is)
2. Go to work on foot and get back home on foot
3. Being anywhere and just deciding to go to some other place on foot, without a care in the world (just to sum things up)
4. Jogging
5. Attending Aerobics classes
6. Attending Latin Dance Aerobics classes
7. Attending Tai Chi classes
8. Playing Pump it up
9. Attend the 'zaffa' of a wedding (Since I have 2 weddings this week and I dunno how they'll go)
10. Go swimming (This might be the only possible sport, yet still I have all these fears that walking that distance to the pool might harm me)

Things I was dreaming of doing, but seem impossible now:

1. Go hiking (not that I would get an easy yes from my parents about that, but it's totally hopeless now)
2. Attend Flamingo classes (Lamma sadda2t the ladies gym started this course)
3. Attend Salsa classes
4. Take spanish course (Since the cultural center is way far and might involve walking)
5. Join PTP and go on one of their walks

الكلمة نور

I was browsing around here reading my previous blogs, when I came across the lyrics of that songs "Les Mots" and the english translation for it. Then it reminded me of that piece of poetry mentioned in "Sekket El Helaly" which made me search for it online and was very glad to find it... Here we go:

الكلمة نور ...

وبعض الكلمات قبور

مادين الله سوى كلمة

ما شرف الرجل سوى كلمة

ما شرف الله سوى كلمة

مفتاح الجنة في كلمة

دخول النار على كلمة

وقضاء الله هو الكلمة

الكلمة لو تدري حرمة

زاد مذخور

الكلمة نور

وبعض الكلمات قبور

بعض الكلمات قلاع شامخة

يعتصم بها النبل البشري

الكلمة فرقان ما بين نبي وبغي

نقلاً عن مسرحية الحسين ثأر الله للأستاذ عبد الرحمن الشرقاوي

Confused

One week ago I was feeling like I was re-born. That foot pain I'd been feeling for months was starting to disappear and I could stand freely once again, without having to keep track of how many seconds I'm standing, afraid I would hit the threshold at which it would start hurting again. But it seems like I was wrong. Not too long after that I could feel it all over again; the pain, the agony, the confusion, the feeling that I do not know what to do, and neither do the doctors. How I want to close my eyes then open them to find the whole nightmare over. Some think I am giving this too much of a value, and that foot pain is not really the kind of thing that's a 'life stopper', but for someone who's so in love with sports, who so much loves to move, it feels like the end of the world for me. I tried to look at the good side of it; it could be a chance for my life beat to cool down, listen to my inner voice and see what it has to say to me, may be consider it a chance for me to focus more on my work... But.. for how long, it started in April, and here I am now in October, that's six months and half. I cannot deny it had some good aspects to it. It enabled me to put things in their correct perspective, not let me feel the least annoyance in things that used to cut deeply before. It has warmed my heart with all the love and support I'm getting from my friends, family and co-workers. I guess too that it got me better spiritually, they say that pain is a purifier. There were too many drums banging before, and I wanted them there as a sort of distractors, but they got silent one after the other, giving me the chance to differentiate between what's real and what's fake. I want it over... yet at the same time I wonder why it'd started. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I wonder which of the reasons that keep roaming in my head is the real reason, I wonder what is the lesson I should be learning. I am afraid I'm such a slow student. I guess the purpose has not been fullfilled yet and the lesson had not been grasped, since this pain and confusion still linger on.