What Lies Within

A Dream

2006-12-18T11:51:00.000+02:00

I dreamt of her last night. A crazy dream it was. She was with us. I didn't know in the dream whether she was real or an illusion. I so much wanted to be for real, but from the tears in my aunt's eyes I knew it wasn't. I wanna go see my aunt...

Lazy Daisy

2006-12-18T00:24:00.000+02:00

I've been too lazy this whole weekend. It's too cold outside and all I want is just to stay in bed under the warm blankets. I even tried Moon's fave thing; drinking hot chocolate in bed when I'm all warm and it's really cold out there (but without the laptop part :D). It felt really lovely, Thumbs up Moon ;)

I got that phonecall that made me wish I'd actually gone to work today.. I miss you already.. I know I'm gonna miss having you around for a long time to come. We might be different in ways, but I guess I have an internal sensitive device that feels a person's purity. I can feel how pure and loving it is in there..

Gonna miss you

2006-12-15T22:19:00.000+02:00

My dear friend and sweet caring soul.. I'm truely gonna miss you

I'm Sensitive

2006-12-09T20:35:00.000+02:00

By Jewel
...
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I have this theory that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
'Cause anyone can start a conflict
it's harder yet to disregard it
I'd rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me 'cause I'd like to stay that way

2006-12-06T16:38:00.000+02:00

It's all coming back to me...

:)

2006-12-01T13:30:00.000+02:00

Gloomy day, with a so much fun ending.

Don't I have the Bestest Buddies in the world? :D

Speak Softly Love

2006-11-22T22:19:00.000+02:00

Speak softly, love and hold me warm against your heart
I feel your words, the tender trembling moments start
We're in a world, our very own
Sharing a love that only few have ever known

Wine-colored days warmed by the sun
Deep velvet nights when we are one

Speak softly, love so no one hears us but the sky
The vows of love we make will live until we die
My life is yours and all because
You came into my world with love so softly love

Wine-colored days warmed by the sun
Deep velvet nights when we are one

Speak softly, love so no one hears us but the sky
The vows of love we make will live until we die
My life is yours and all becau-au-se
You came into my world with love so softly love

Parle Plus Bas (Translated To English)

2006-11-22T22:14:00.000+02:00

Speak more quietly
Because one could hear us well
The world is not ready for your tender words
The world is not ready for us
It would say quite simply that we are insane

Speak more quietly, but still speak
Of the insane love, of the strong love
Speak more quietly
Because one could surprise us well
You know very well
That it would never want to understand
That in our hearts, I found
What the world refused to give us

{Instrumental}
Speak more quietly, but still speak
Of the insane love, of the strong love
Speak more quietly
Because one could hear us well
You know very well that we can wait for nothing
From those who made songs
Without one “I love you” where the love rhymes with reason

Parle plus bas

2006-11-22T20:25:00.000+02:00

I had a couple of songs playing in my head incessently, then I got their lyrics and started singing them incessently bardo, till I became sha7'sseyya sodaa3 el 7a2ie2a :P But anyways; here's the first one "Parle Plus Bas" by Dalida (The French version of "Speak Softly Love"). And by the way, they say different things in the two versions of it. I kinda like the French one better. I think I'll try to post a translation as well :D

Parle plus bas

Parle plus bas
Car on pourrait bien nous entendre
Le monde n'est pas prêt pour tes paroles tendres
Le monde n'est pas prêt pour nous
Il dirait tout simplement que nous sommes fous

Parle plus bas mais parle encore
De l'amour fou de l'amour fort
Parle plus bas
Car on pourrait bien nous surprendre
Tu sais très bien
Qu'il ne voudrait jamais comprendre
Que dans nos cœurs moi, j'ai trouvé
Ce que le monde refusait de nous donner

{Instrumental}

Parle plus bas mais parle encore
De l'amour fou de l'amour fort
Parle plus bas
Car on pourrait bien nous entendre
Tu sais très bien que nous ne pouvons rien attendre
De ceux qui ont fait des chansons
Sans un "je t'aime" où l'amour rime avec raison

:S

2006-11-22T20:09:00.000+02:00

I was having enough trouble with the first two pieces of news, when they decided to throw a third one at me; a fatal one. Thank God it was just a joke... I can't imagine how it could be like if it weren't :S

Nada cambiará mi amor por ti

2006-11-19T15:47:00.000+02:00

Si tuviera que vivir sin tus caricias
Habrá melancolía yo sé que habrá dolor
Al fin del mundo yo te seguiría
No puedo estar sin tu calor
Pues sin ti no sé quién soy

Jamás podré dejar tu amor
No dudes nunca, por favor
Bésame, te amaré
No sabré llenar tu espacio

Nada cambiará mi amor por ti
Siempre sentirás que yo te amo
No quiero que te vayas
Te quiero así cada mañana
Nada cambiará mi amor por ti
Siempre sentirás que yo te amo
No puedo ver sin ver tus ojos
Nada cambiará mi amor por ti

Sólo con mirarte fue tan fácil
Abrir así mi corazón
Fue tan natural
Sólo con besarte fue imposible
No dejarte de pensar
Te quiero cada día más

Jamás podré dejar tu amor
No dudes nunca, por favor
Bésame, te amaré
No sabré llenar tu espacio

Nada cambiará mi amor por ti
Siempre sentirás que yo te amo
No quiero que te vayas
Te quiero así cada mañana
Nada cambiará mi amor por ti
Siempre sentirás que yo te amo
No puedo ver sin ver tus ojos
Nada cambiará mi amor por ti

Nada cambiará mi amor por ti
Siempre sentirás que yo te amo
No puedo ver sin ver tus ojos
Te quiero así cada mañana

Nada cambiará mi amor por ti
Siempre sentirás que yo te amo
No quiero que te vayas
Te quiero así cada mañana
Nada cambiará mi amor por ti
Siempre sentirás que yo te amo
No puedo ver sin ver tus ojos
Nada cambiará mi amor por ti
Siempre sentirás que yo te amo
No quiero que te vayas
Te quiero así cada mañana

2006-11-16T15:50:00.000+02:00

Aaand it's hurting again :S
3aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Viva La Vida :)

2006-11-15T12:32:00.000+02:00

S For Swimming..
S For Salsa..
S For All the small simple joys I so much love..

I truely feel I'm back to life once again; I can finally breathe, hear the birds singing and enjoy the rain. Once again I enjoy the beauty of the roses; see them with their true colors after the black and grey tint had gone away..

I'm happy :D

Impossibilities List

2006-10-29T21:47:00.000+02:00

Well well well.. My vacation is coming to an end and I don't know what to do. I was hoping that the rest-in-bed initiative might put an end to the problem. I can't deny I'm slightly better, but I feel it'd only take a couple of going-outs or work-days to bring back the pain. Although I try as much as I can to maintain a positive attitude about this, but all I can think of now is all the things I could do in the past, but could no longer do, or the things I was hoping I could do one day, and seem waaay far from possible now. So by listing all those things I hope I'd get disconnected from these thoughts.. hopefully...

Things I used to do, but are no longer possible:

Walk home from Abbasseya (ayyam el kolleyya that is)
Go to work on foot and get back home on foot
Being anywhere and just deciding to go to some other place on foot, without a care in the world (just to sum things up)
Jogging
Attending Aerobics classes
Attending Latin Dance Aerobics classes
Attending Tai Chi classes
Playing Pump it up
Attend the 'zaffa' of a wedding (Since I have 2 weddings this week and I dunno how they'll go)
Go swimming (This might be the only possible sport, yet still I have all these fears that walking that distance to the pool might harm me)

Things I was dreaming of doing, but seem impossible now:

Go hiking (not that I would get an easy yes from my parents about that, but it's totally hopeless now)
Attend Flamingo classes (Lamma sadda2t the ladies gym started this course)
Attend Salsa classes
Take spanish course (Since the cultural center is way far and might involve walking)
Join PTP and go on one of their walks

الكلمة نور

2006-10-14T20:03:00.000+02:00

I was browsing around here reading my previous blogs, when I came across the lyrics of that songs "Les Mots" and the english translation for it. Then it reminded me of that piece of poetry mentioned in "Sekket El Helaly" which made me search for it online and was very glad to find it... Here we go:

الكلمة نور ...

وبعض الكلمات قبور

مادين الله سوى كلمة

ما شرف الرجل سوى كلمة

ما شرف الله سوى كلمة

مفتاح الجنة في كلمة

دخول النار على كلمة

وقضاء الله هو الكلمة

الكلمة لو تدري حرمة

زاد مذخور

الكلمة نور

وبعض الكلمات قبور

بعض الكلمات قلاع شامخة

يعتصم بها النبل البشري

الكلمة فرقان ما بين نبي وبغي

نقلاً عن مسرحية الحسين ثأر الله للأستاذ عبد الرحمن الشرقاوي

Confused

2006-10-14T18:59:00.000+02:00

One week ago I was feeling like I was re-born. That foot pain I'd been feeling for months was starting to disappear and I could stand freely once again, without having to keep track of how many seconds I'm standing, afraid I would hit the threshold at which it would start hurting again. But it seems like I was wrong. Not too long after that I could feel it all over again; the pain, the agony, the confusion, the feeling that I do not know what to do, and neither do the doctors. How I want to close my eyes then open them to find the whole nightmare over. Some think I am giving this too much of a value, and that foot pain is not really the kind of thing that's a 'life stopper', but for someone who's so in love with sports, who so much loves to move, it feels like the end of the world for me. I tried to look at the good side of it; it could be a chance for my life beat to cool down, listen to my inner voice and see what it has to say to me, may be consider it a chance for me to focus more on my work... But.. for how long, it started in April, and here I am now in October, that's six months and half. I cannot deny it had some good aspects to it. It enabled me to put things in their correct perspective, not let me feel the least annoyance in things that used to cut deeply before. It has warmed my heart with all the love and support I'm getting from my friends, family and co-workers. I guess too that it got me better spiritually, they say that pain is a purifier. There were too many drums banging before, and I wanted them there as a sort of distractors, but they got silent one after the other, giving me the chance to differentiate between what's real and what's fake. I want it over... yet at the same time I wonder why it'd started. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I wonder which of the reasons that keep roaming in my head is the real reason, I wonder what is the lesson I should be learning. I am afraid I'm such a slow student. I guess the purpose has not been fullfilled yet and the lesson had not been grasped, since this pain and confusion still lingers on.

Jung Test Results

2006-08-03T18:44:00.000+03:00

I made the human metrics jung personality test today aaand here's what I got:

ENFP
Strength of the preferences %

Extroverted: 11
Intuitive: 38
Feeling: 62
Perceiving: 11

Seems that the INTJ days are long gone.

Paroles, paroles, paroles

2006-07-05T16:00:00.000+03:00

C'est étrange,
je n'sais pas ce qui m'arrive ce soir,
Je te regarde comme pour la première fois.

Encore des mots toujours des mots les mêmes mots

Je n'sais plus comme te dire,

Rien que des mots

Mais tu es cette belle histoire d'amour...
que je ne cesserai jamais de lire.

Des mots faciles des mots fragiles
C'était trop beau

Tu es d'hier et de demain

Bien trop beau

De toujours ma seule vérité.

Mais c'est fini le temps des rêves
Les souvenirs se fanent aussi quand on les oublie

Tu es comme le vent qui fait chanter les violons et emporte au loin le parfum des roses.

Caramels, bonbons et chocolats

Par moments, je ne te comprends pas.

Merci, pas pour moi
Mais tu peux bien les offrir à une autre qui aime le vent et le parfum des roses Moi, les mots tendres enrobés de douceur se posent sur ma bouche mais jamais sur mon cœur

Une parole encore.

paroles, paroles, paroles

Ecoute-moi. paroles, paroles, paroles

Je t'en prie.

paroles, paroles, paroles

Je te jure.

paroles, paroles, paroles, paroles, paroles encore des paroles que tu sèmes au vent

Voilà mon destin te parler....
te parler comme la première fois.

Encore des mots toujours des mots les mêmes mots

Comme j'aimerais que tu me comprennes.

Rien que des mots
Que tu m'écoutes au moins une fois.

Des mots magiques des mots tactiques qui sonnent faux

Tu es mon rêve défendu.

Oui, tellement faux

Mon seul tourment et mon unique espérance.

Rien ne t'arrête quand tu commences
Si tu savais comme j'ai envie d'un peu de silence

Tu es pour moi la seule musique...
qui fit danser les étoiles sur les dunes

Caramels, bonbons et chocolats

Si tu n'existais pas déjà je t'inventerais.

Merci, pas pour moi
Mais tu peux bien les ouvrir à une autre qui aime les étoiles sur les dunes

Moi, les mots tendres enrobés de douceur se posent sur ma bouche mais jamais sur mon cœur

Encore un mot juste une parole

paroles, paroles, paroles

Ecoute-moi.

paroles, paroles, paroles

Je t'en prie.

paroles, paroles, paroles

Je te jure.

paroles, paroles, paroles, paroles, paroles encore des paroles que tu sèmes au vent

Que tu es belle !

Paroles, paroles, paroles

Que tu est belle !

Paroles, paroles, paroles

Que tu es belle !

Paroles, paroles, paroles

Que tu es belle !

Paroles, paroles, paroles, paroles, paroles encore des paroles que tu sèmes au vent

Messages in the Air

2006-07-04T23:36:00.000+03:00

Okay one of the things that just wouldn't let me sleep is that I have so much on my mind that I wanna tell certain people, which I haven't been able to do for different reasons. I'll start sending some of those messages that just wouldn't let me sleep. Just to make things fun I won't mention the message's intended recipient :D

A: You're a big big girl and trust me you know how to go through it. We never know what's good for us. Cheer up Girlieee..

B: My most caring soul, Thank you :) Pleeaaase be patient and don't take any sudden decisions you might regret later. Patience is the key my friend.

C: Missing you sooo much :D Praying for you from all my heart that it turns to be the loveliest thing ever :). Btw, rest assured. Everything is under control. All 'cutting' equipments have been taken to a safe place and all previous damage controlled (A).

D: Er7amy nafsek shwayya, we balash el damier el zeyaada ely mwaddiena fe dahia dah :P Rabbena ma3aky ISA :)

E: Always confusing me as usual, but you're such a lovely friend :)

F: Hmm.. Thank you :) Really really thank you loads.

G: Thanks for checking in that day, and letting me feel my revenge case is.. well not so uncommon :P Good Luck and let's hope you enjoy it over there :)

H: A sweet caring soul carefully covered with such a fiery attitude. Chill out :P

I:I really wanna greet you for your strength and not abiding to meaningless 'commonalities'..

J: My sweet guardian angel and healer. How you radiate to me that feeling of being protected when you're around, I still don't know, but thank you :) You don't know how much difference you're making :)

K: You Go Giiiirrlll.. Girl Power United, Nutty Tarts and All. Your attitude is really special, Keep it up ;)

Ay Kalaam

2006-07-04T23:24:00.000+03:00

It's been aaages since I wrote anything here (not counting lyrics). I guess my mind has been full till the top, that it left no space for anything else.

I went to bed like half an hour ago trying to sleep. I have too many things on my mind. I have stuff I gotta finish at work here and there the coming few days, and I kinda dunno where to start. Not to menton of course things have been quite messy on the personal side, calls for revenge and umm.. discovering a scorpio-like tendency in some aspect :P My poor li'l foot had started hurting again and this time there was a direction I could point at and throw my negative energy towards (although it was proved I dunno how to hold negative energy for more than a few days, then it thank GOD slips away). Well anyways..

Il Ne Manquait Que Toi

2006-07-03T18:23:00.000+03:00

Un collier d’oranges amères
Une étole de verre
Une réponse sans prière
Une étoile de terre
Et dans ce sourire étrange
Le visage d’un ange qui me rappelle qu’ici-bas

Il ne manquait que toi
Pour que le combat ne se livre pas
Je rends les larmes
Toutes celles qu’on ne choisit pas
Je te donne mon âme
Si tu ne la prends pas

Le souffle d’une eau qui chante
Une odeur de menthe
La douceur d’une course lente
La dernière attente
Dessine-moi un mystère
Que rien ne peut défaire
Qui me rappelle qu’ici-bas

Il ne manquait que toi
Pour que le combat
Ne se livre pas
Je rends les larmes
Toutes celles qu’on ne choisit pas
Je te donne mon âme
Si tu ne la prends pas

A force de se réfléchir dans un miroir de souvenirs
J’en oublie que mon avenir est presque là

Il ne manquait que toi
Pour que le combat
Ne se livre pas
Je prends les larmes
Toutes celles qu’on pleure de joie
Maintenant que mon âme
Se souvient de toi Il ne manquait que toi

Si..

2006-06-22T00:26:00.000+03:00

Je tourne en rond
Tu sais que quelques fois je me sens seule et perdue
Est ce que tu me reviendras
Je tourne en rond
Tu sais que quelque fois je me sens loin de toi
Dis est ce que tu te souviendras de moi
Je tourne en rond
Sur la terre entière je me sens abandonee
Dis est ce que tout ça va changer
Je tourne en rond
Pour habiter ma solitude de mon mieux
Moi qui ne sais qu'être deux
Je tourne en rond sans toi
Tu sais que quelque fois j'ai peur de toi
Je tourne en rond sans toi
Tu sais que quelque fois j'ai peur de moi

Turn around Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turn around Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turn around Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turn around Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes

Je tourne en rond sans toi
Tu sais que quelques fois j'ai peur de toi
Je tourne en rond sans toi
Tu sais que quelques fois j'ai peur de moi
Et j'ai tant besoin de toi
Et j'ai tant besoin de ta voix
Je veux tomber dans tes bras
Je voudrais marcher dans tes pas
On invente les règles du jeu
Quand on est tous les deux
Ensemble nous irons jusqu'au bout du chemin
Je tiendrai dans ton ombre
Si tu me prends la main
Retiens moi si je sombre je suis ta prisonnière
Si loin de notre monde j'ai la tête à l'envers
J'ai vraiment besoin de toi
Si demain commençait ce soir
Si demain commençait ce soir

Il était une fois une femme amoureuse
Peut-être un p'tit peu trop rêveuse
Tant pis si j'en pleure tu as tous les droits sur mon Coeur
Si demain commençait ce soir

Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart

Et j'ai tant besoin de toi
Et j'ai tant besoin de ta voix
Et je veux tomber dans tes bras
Je voudrais marcher dans tes pas
On invente les règles du jeu
Quand on est tous les deux

Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)

Retiens moi si je sombre je suis ta prisonnière
Si loin de notre monde j'ai la tête à l'envers

I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Si demain commençait ce soir
Il était une fois une femme amoureuse
Peut être un p'tit peu trop rêveuse
Tant pis si j'en pleure tu as tous les droits sur mon Coeur
Total eclipse of the heart
Si demain commençait ce soir
Regarde moi droit dans le Coeur

A Different Beat

2006-06-21T23:58:00.000+03:00

Let's not forget this place
Let's not neglect the our race
Let unity become
Life on earth be one

So let me take your hand
We are but grains of sand
Born throught the winds of time
Given a special sign

So let's take a stand and look around us now, people
So let's take a standand look around us now, people...
Eeyeah--oh, eayeh--oh, eayeh (and the world is turning)--oh, by--yah
To a different beat
Eayeh--oh, eayeh--oh, eayeh (and the world is turning)--oh, by yah(to a different beat)

Humanity's lost face
Let's understand its grace
Each day one at a time
Each life including mine
So let's take a standand look around us now, people oh, people oh people!

[CHORUS]

I've seen the rain, fall in Africa
I've touched to snow of Alaska(Oh tell me now...)
I've felt the mists of Niagara
Now I believe...In you..

[repeat CHORUS twice]

How far we've come
and how far to go
rain does not fallon one roof alone..(to a different beat)..

La Vie En Rose

2006-06-21T22:24:00.000+03:00

Des yeux qui font baiser les miens,
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche
Voila le portrait sans retouche
De l'homme auquel j'appartiens

Quand il me prend dans ses bras
Il me parle tout bas,
Je vois la vie en rose.

Il me dit des mots d'amour,
Des mots de tous les jours,
Et ca me fait quelque chose.

Il est entre dans mon Coeur
Une part de bonheur
Dont je connais la cause.

C'est lui pour moi. Moi pour lui
Dans la vie,
Il me l'a dit, l'a jure pour la vie.

Et des que je l'apercois
Alors je sens en moi
Mon coeur qui bat

People in Your Life

2006-06-21T15:13:00.000+03:00

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

People come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you An unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Tell Me Why

2006-06-21T15:09:00.000+03:00

Picture love pure as summer
Like winter in the spring
God gave them everything
To love and hold each other
Like shelter from the rain
All through the night into the day...

2006-06-20T17:31:00.000+03:00

Something just doesn't feel right. I'm sitting here but my thoughts are wandering over there, feeling that there is something missing...

Lighthouse

2006-06-19T22:24:00.000+03:00

You cannot take a lighthouse along with you while sailing. But it would always stand there, guiding you along the way. You can always keep its flame in your heart and that light it shone upon you...

2006-06-19T22:19:00.000+03:00

Call the man
Who deals in love beyond repair
He can heal the world
Of hearts in need of care
Shine a light ahead
When the next step is unclear
Call the man
He's needed here

Needed in the chaos and confusion
From the plains to city hall
Needed where the proud who walk the wire are set to fall

My Refuge

2006-06-17T16:12:00.000+03:00

I'm very close to getting separated from my refuge. It's gonna be hard, but it's way harder not to... Would I be able to retain the lessons learned and the comfort I was made feel? Or would they slip through my fingers and I'd go back to the starting point?

Metrics

2006-06-17T16:10:00.000+03:00

If that's the main metrics for measuring my quality as a person and forming your judgements, so be it... but that's the only thing you'r getting from me.

Miscommunication

2006-06-17T16:06:00.000+03:00

What's the point of talking if you will be misunderstood anyway? Any word spoken will just be taken against you in court. I guess the best way to avoid miscommunication is not to communicate at all, isn't it?

Not Again?!

2006-06-03T22:43:00.000+03:00

Just when I thought I'd been liberated, just when I thought I don't care anymore... well.. do I? I hate Moon Gimini !!!!! :@

Footsteps

2006-06-03T12:48:00.000+03:00

People walk in and out of your life; some leaving meaningful footprints in your heart. In every footstep there was a lesson to learn. But some lessons hurt. Sometimes they cut through, leaving painful marks, but they are lessons you couldn't have done without.
Some people's footsteps are remedial. Somehow they carry the cure for the deepest wounds, the wisdom to answer your most unsettling questions and the care to walk that extra mile to draw a smile on someone's face.. Those healers can change your world to a much better place...

Inncocent Eyes

2006-06-03T12:39:00.000+03:00

By Delta Goodrem

Do you remember when you where 7?
And the only thing that you wanted to do
Was show your mum that you could play the piano
Ten years have passed
And the one thing that lasts
Is that same old song that we played along and made my mumma cry

I miss those days and I miss those ways
When I got lost in fantasies
In a cartoon land of mysteries
In a place you won't grow old in a place you won't feel cold and I'll sing

Da da da da da da da da da da da da
Seems I'm lost in my reflection
Da da da da da da da da da da da da
Find a star for my direction
Da da da da da da da da da da da da
For the little girl inside who won't just hide
Don't let me see mistakes and lies
Let me keep my faith and innocent eyes
My innocent eyes

Do you remember when you were 15?
And the kids at school called you a fool cos you took the chance to dream
In the time that's past and the one thing that lasts
Is that same old song that we played along and made my daddy cry

I miss those days and I miss those ways
When I got lost in fantasies
In a cartoon land of mysteries
In a place you won't grow old in a place you wont feel cold and I'll sing

Da da da da da da da da da da da da
Seems I'm lost in my reflection
Da da da da da da da da da da da da
Find a star for my direction
Da da da da da da da da da da da da
For the little girl inside who wont just hide
Don't let me see mistakes and lies
Let me keep my faith and innocent eyes
My innocent eyes

Under my feeling under my skin
Under the thoughts from within
Learning the subtext
Of the mind
See creation how where defined

Da da da da da da da da da da da da
Seems I'm lost in my reflection
Da da da da da da da da da da da da
Find a star for my direction
Da da da da da da da da da da da da
For the little girl inside who wont just hide
Don't let me see mistakes and lies
Let me keep my faith and innocent eyes
My innocent eyes

Troubled Thoughts: Missused Psychology

2006-05-26T15:42:00.000+03:00

How I love the wisdom of the ancients. Some disciples of knowledge were held sacred in the ancient world, as in the case of the ancient chinese. They were kept as a secret and not taught except for those who reach a certain level of wisdom, knowledge and spirituality. Although this might sound like it's unfair, but they truely had a point. Certain kinds of knowledge would lead to disastrous effects when left in ignorant or evil hands.

Psychology is one thing that had been misused to the fullest. Business psychology.. psychology for sales and marketing and advertisements... and.. and.. Instead of being directed towards trying to understand the human self, reaching down to the soul and trying to get out the best in people and form a better person out of oneself, psychology has became a tool to play with human creatures, by manipulating their inner selves, for no other reason but to get more money out of them; money and power.. those destructive illusions... Knowledge is power indeed. And in this open era we're living it it has become impossible to keep any of it 'hidden'. Psychology is one disciple that had been missused to the fullest. And the result? I guess we'll all be paying for it.

Troubled Thoughts: Michavillians

2006-05-26T15:39:00.000+03:00

If you'r not true to yourself, to your heart, to what you believe in... then I don't see what's the point in anything you do. What's the point in saying one thing while you are feeling another? Nothing you achieve is truely yours, it belongs to the mask you were wearing, the one you were pretending to be, to the lie you were telling. The most dangerous lie is the one you start believing yourself. Soon enough, all the lies you have told start creeping up into you like poison.

Tag

2006-05-24T01:10:00.000+03:00

1- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as your dinner guest? As your close friend? As your lover?
Dinner guest: I’d have chosen Mother Theressa or Ghandi, but they are already gone.
Close friend: Well my existing close friends, no more no less.
Lover: No names come to mind.

2- Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by five years to become extremely attractive?
Define “extremely attractive”. I wouldn’t care about a general rating for my attractiveness… I might consider the question though if it’s being more attractive to the person I love… but then, would he want me to pass away five years earlier just to look more attractive to him? :D da yeb2a nadl awy (A)

3- Would you rather spend a month on vacation with your parents or put in overtime at your current job for four weeks without extra compensation?
Well I’d take the vacation; spend a week with my family, 2 weeks and a half with my friends and half a week on my own.

4- When did you last cry by yourself? In front of another person?
Cry by myself: 15 minutes ago.
In front of another person: This afternoon.

5- If 100 people your age were chosen at random, how many do you think you'd find leading a more satisfying life than yours?
Define a “satisfying life”. Is the question those who’d find their lives more satisfying or that I’d see their life as more satisfying? I guess I am content with my life Thank God.

6- If you had the choice of one intimate soul mate and no other close friends, or of no such soul mate and many friends and acquaintances, which would you choose?
I can’t survive without my close friends. Also, a soul mate can be a blessing or a curse sometimes. I wouldn’t mind one though.

7- Do you think your friends would agree with one another about the kind of person you are?Hmm… it’s hard to tell. I don’t agree with myself about the kind of person I am. I guess certain friends would see some sides clearly, but the others would be dimmed. While others would see the other dimmed ones, with an obscurity on the ones seen clearly by group1 (umm.. My moon sign is gimini, u know? :P).

8- Would you prefer to be blind or deaf?
Neither, but deaf would be more bearable. At least I won’t be hearing any nonsense gossip or backbiting.

9- How many of your friendships have lasted more than ten years? Which of your current friends do you feel will still be important to you ten years from now?
Two I guess, may be three.
It’s not only up to me. It depends highly on the mutual willingness to keep the bond. I’d say 5 or 6 of my current closest friends (hopefully).

10- If you could mould to your liking your memories of any past experience, would you do so?Huh?.

11- Would you be content with a marriage of the highest quality in all respects but one that it completely lacked sex?
"Highest quality " as in what?? (Copied and pasted from Rain’s answer :P smart one ya Rain (A) ). Well actually not, taking into consideration being human, umm… and a Taurus, Leo, Cancer combination (A)

12- If you were happily married, and then met someone you felt was certain to always bring you deeply passionate, intoxicating love, would you leave your spouse? What if you had kids?
I’m determined not to get married unless I do have such feelings for the one I’m marrying in the first place.

13- Relative of the population at large? How do you rate your physical attractiveness? Your intelligence? Your personality?
Physical attractiveness: May be we should go ask “the population at large” :P.
My intelligence: There are different aspects to intelligence. My language, emotional and personal intelligence are doing pretty well I believe. My social and girly chit chatting intelligence is kinda (or waaaaay) below average. Analytical is good, problem solving, observance and memory fluctuate based on many factors. (I did say my analytical intelligence is good, didn’t I (A) :P).
My personality: Well... Puzzling! It’s full of too many different things; some are just a shell, others represent the core. The opinion would vary based on the angle you are looking from.

14- If you could script the basic plot for the dream you will have tonight, what would the story be?
umm... connection to server failed. (I hate geek talk, but I guess I’d only get technical nightmares tonight for some reason).

15- While out one day, you are surprised to see your father holding hands with someone who is clearly his lover, he begs you not to say anything to your mother. How would you respond? What if your mother later told you that she was going crazy thinking that your father was having an affair yet knew it was just her imagination?
My father is a Virgo :D I don’t even have to consider that possibility (A).

16- If you had to spend the next 2 years inside a small but fully provisioned Antarctic shelter with one other person, whom would you like to have with you?
Someone I’m so deeply in love with, and married to.

17- You become involved romantically but after 6 months realize you need to end the relationship. If you were certain the person would commit suicide if you were to leave and were also certain you could not be happy with the person, what would you do?
I would keep thinking and thinking and thinking, and feeling guilty more and more each day until I realize I can’t go on. I’d never want to be in the position of being with someone who’s not in love with me and accordingly I wouldn’t want to put anyone in such a position. I would try to provide support after the break-up and convince him to see things in the right perspective and forget the “Committing suicide” idea.

18- What was your most enjoyable dream? Your worst nightmare?
Best: I can’t remember one specifcally, but something that would involve a garden full of roses and butterflies or something that would have an exotic beach in a deserted island (6 days 7 nights movie kinda thing).
Worst: Going out in the street and realizing I don’t have my shoes on or Falling. I used to get those dreams when I was a little girl but not anymore. Also the one having to do with being in an exam and not caring abt answering a thing at the beginning then running out of time at the end(A).

19- If by sacrificing your life you could contribute so much to the world you would be honored by all nations, would you be willing to do so? If so, would you make the sacrifice knowing that someone you thoroughly disliked would received that honor while you went unrecognized?
I wouldn't care about acknowledgement, but I might think twice about how my family and close friends would feel. I would tell them all about it first, spend as much time as I can with them, give them huge teary hugs and bid them a warm farewell. I don’t like the “Elephants go hide when they feel they are dying” kinda thing.

20- Would you like your spouse to be both smarter and more attractive than you are?
Smarter definitely, more attractive… hmm... may be :P.

21- You discover that your wonderful one-year-old child is, because of a mix-up at the hospital, not yours. Would you want to exchange the child to try and correct the mistake?
Logic says yes. But it’s impossible to answer not being in the situation and not having experienced maternity feelings yet. But I’d make sure both kids would be part of my life somehow.

22- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
To myself : Yesterday.
To someone else : can’t remember.

23- Which sex do you think has it easier in our culture? Have you ever wished you were of the opposite sex?
MEN of course. Not really, although I’m not content with all the fun I’m missing, but I do love my feminity (A).

24- What are your most compulsive habits? Do you regularly struggle to break these habits?Umm… nopes I guess I’m more of an impulsive person. I find it hard to maintain a habit in the first place (A).

25- Would you enjoy spending a month of solitude in a beautiful natural setting? Food and shelter would be provided but you would not see another person.
Nopes nopes nopesssss.
I’d have liked the idea if asked a few years ago, but not anymore.

26- If you knew you would die of an incurable disease within 3 months, would you allow yourself to be frozen within the week if you knew it would give you a modest chance of being revived in 1,000 years and living a greatly extended life?
Huh? And wake up in a time that is not mine, among strangers, 1000 years from now in a world getting colder and colder everyday? No thank you! I’d rather live every moment of those 3 months and try to make the best out of them among my loved ones.

27- You are invited to a party that will be attended by many fascinating people you have never met. Would you want to go if you had to go by yourself?
I could go yes. My sense of adventure is sometimes high.

28- If you were at a friend's house for thanksgiving dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do?
I won't eat the salad and won't make a fuss about it.

29- If someone you love deeply is brutally murdered and you know the identity of the murderer, who unfortunately is acquitted of the crime. Would you seek revenge?
Well I wouldn’t kill, but I’d make sure to rid the world of him “somehow”.

A phonecall

2006-05-23T23:36:00.000+03:00

I love it when I call in and hear their voices. I feel that troubled part of me has found some peace. I wanted to call today, my dad told me it's pointless as the birthday was already a few days back. I didn't listen. I wanted a reason to make that phonecall. I miss them, and wish I was playing a bigger role in their lives. It could be the only relief for me; to see them going on and to see the little one growing up and help draw a smile on their faces. I always wish I could call in more often, but I'm terrible with phonecalls. I don't quite know what to say. But today I did, and I feel much better already. I was told the little angelic one is in deep sleep, wearing little pistaccio pyjamas with two little teddy bears :) I want to seeeeee herrrrrr :D

Birthdaaaaaaayyy :D

2006-05-20T00:55:00.000+03:00

This year was the first time since the age of 5 to be able to celebrate my birthday without having an exam the next day, in a week, in two weeks, well.. you get the picture! I've been looking forward to this one since... forever, esp. after having some ppl born in July tease me about it a couple of years ago (A)... anyways :D
So I gave my friends such a headache.. I was like.. what do you mean I can't organize a birthday party..!! Poor Justin got to hear most of my zannnnnnn ya 7aram, along with Moon, who kanet betektem her laughing bel 3afia :P (A)
But I actually enjoyed every single moment of it. It was like.. whenever I thought I knew what's going on it turns out there were more surprises :D Never did I enjoy surprises sooooooooo much before !! :D
I'm not exactly the kind of person who knows how to communicate her feelings or thoughts right on the spot, so I usually come home feeling I have soo much to say. So I wanna say a few things, from the safe hiding of my blog.

I'll start with my guests of honour; E., M. and K.
It was really great having you there :D I have zanneet for it, but I didn't know you'd make it. Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu so much :)

To E.: Thank you so much for passing by :) It had been ages since I last saw you.

To A.: Masmiesh Susu :P Plus... Beware of kolla man ektaraba men al ard :P I'll come holding a Samurai sword next time (A). Forget about all what I just said :P Thank youu :)

To K.: It was really great having you there. I know you always have thousands of things to do and I really appreciated it. A big big thank you from a little Butterfly sister :)

And now.. to the Organizing Committee...
Silver Moon: You wouldn't tell me all the details, but having Justin within the crew gave me lots of insight (A):P Begadd Thank you so much my dear Moon, talla3t 3eenek !! It was all so amazing my Silver Moonlight Shadow :) I wish you all the best dear :)

Dear Suma: I look back and remember... 6, 7, 8, ......, 21, 22, 23.. My patient friend and pure angel :) Thank you so much for being there, thank you so much for always having been there, for better and for worse and for having been able to bear the annoying me (A)

Frick: Thank you for being there dear :) Rabbena ye2awwieky 3ala el 3eiaal elly fe ra2abtek :P

Sweet Rain: As always, the sweetest drops of wisdom descending on mother earth, touching the very core and bringing life to all. Thank you so so much my dear friend for caring and for never giving up on your friends. I pray for all the best for you dear :)

To Ahmed: Men bo22ak le baab el sama, just like I told you there (A) :P

And to the sweetest couple; Rain and Ahmed: Nemo and Kouky beyssallemo 3aleeko :D Kukie's trying to find some peace, while Nemo's doing sprints here and there and hitting little Kukie, who's trying to hide by the wall. LOL!!!

Bondo2a: Howa ana lessa bardo mafhemtesh how come we didn't become that close except that late :P Ahe dy elly assammiha moshkela be sa7ie7 (A) :P Merci ya Battouta 7'ales 7'aaalesss we ya Rabb nefdal friends 3ala toul.. ya Beeta ;) we Rabbena ma3aky wey2awwieky ya Benty wey2addemlek elly fieh el 7'eer :)

Kunoichi: We really gotta form a sort of "Girl Power United" group; start a footie and dance team and make Nutty Tart our logo :D Thank you so much :) and sorry you couldn't reach Justin when we were there, but I couldn't help eny a3'alles 3aleeh and take his mobile away (A).

Sensei Ryu: Yalla ya 3amm ra22eetek we 7'alleetak Sensei, tedfa3 kaam? :P Merci Beaucoup mon ami :) Mezabbatny enta dolphin and butterfly we 7arakaat :D Bass ya3ny howwa ya3ny.. just for the records ya3ny :P... my birthday is on 14th actually not the day of the surprise party, therefore we conclude that you didn't have to tell me happy birthday when u logged in the midnight before it and you could safely talk... ya to7fa :P

Shimooooo: I really hoped to see you.. Thank you soooo much for making it to the Sunday surprize :D

Aaaaaaaand Last But DEFINITELY not least
Justin: As caring as always :) ana lessa can't understand how you bear me aslan assaassan assaassan ya3ny, not to mention being the nagging kid that I am, wel zann elly zanneeto 3aleek this time :P You think you're evil... Huh.. eb2a abelny :P I congratulate you for having been able to hold the surprise as a secret until that day :P

Only Time - Enya

2006-05-12T09:20:00.000+03:00

Who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows, only time?

And who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose, only time?

Who can say why your heart sighs,
As your life flies, only time?

And who can say why your heart cries
when your love lies, only time?

Who can say when the roads meet,
That love might be, in your heart?

and who can say when the day sleeps,
and the night keeps all your heart?

Night keeps all your heart...

Who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose, only time?

And who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time?

Who knows? Only time
Who knows? Only time

Thanks K. for showing me the beauty of this lyrics :)

One Moment in Time

2006-05-11T18:36:00.000+03:00

It's weird how we can take things for granted. One moment you're expecting them to last forever, then you find them getting lost, like tiny grains of sand slipping through your fingers. If only one could go back in time, enjoy and cherish every moment...

Try to enjoy every moment that passes by you, cherish everyone and everything around you. You never know what could be missing from the picture tomorrow...

A Dream..

2006-05-11T08:22:00.000+03:00

I dreamt of her last night. She had survived and was still with us. We could hear her voice once again and see her smile...
A dream indeed.

Left Out

2006-05-07T00:22:00.000+03:00

Till when would I have that feeling of being distant.. of being left out..?

My Sanctuary

2006-05-01T23:59:00.000+03:00

I saw Innocence in its purest form,
I saw hope, love and tenderness,
I saw the smile we're all missing,
... all in the eyes of a child.
I feel like I have been washed from inside,
Like that innocence has flown into me,
It has become my sanctuary.

A Word of Wisdom

2006-05-01T23:40:00.000+03:00

أولادكم ليسوا أولاداً لكم. إنهم أبناء وبنات الحياة المشتاقة إلى نفسها، بكم يأتون إلى العالم ولكن ليس منكم. ومع أنهم يعيشون معكم فهم ليسوا ملكاً لكم. - جبران خليل جبران

Thank you :)

2006-05-01T01:46:00.000+03:00

People with such warm hearts can really turn this world to such a beautiful place.
Thank you my dear Moon.
Thank you my dear big brother.
You made things so much better today.

Le Petit Papillon

2006-04-27T22:42:00.000+02:00

The little butterfly has lost its wings. She can barely crawl now.

Opposites Attract vs. Birds of the same feather flock together

2006-04-25T20:59:00.000+02:00

Hmm.. the topic was playing in my head, but I don't have the brains right now to talk about it. So I thought of dropping here and "discharging it" off my head. I've just been seeing some drama from "Opposites Attract" situation... I mean OK they might attract yes, but can they really survive together, given they are at the opposite sides of the rainbow?

Friendship Quotes

2006-04-25T18:51:00.000+02:00

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one” - C.S. Lewis

“Much of the vitality in a friendship lies in the honoring of differences, not simply in the enjoyment of similarities.”

“A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.” - Donna Roberts

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.” - Henri Nouwen

“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” - Mark Twain

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked” - Bernard Meltzer

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

“A real friend is like an angel who warms you by her presence and remembers you in her prayers.”

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

“Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart.”

Enfants De Tous Pays (Enrico Macias)

2006-04-25T17:21:00.000+02:00

Refrain
Enfants de tous pays, tendez vos mains meurtries
Semez l'amour et puis donnez la vie
Enfants de tous pays et de toutes couleurs
Vous avez dans le coeur notre bonheur

C'est dans vos mains que demain notre terre
Sera confiée pour sortir de notre nuit
Et notre espoir de revoir la lumière
Est dans vos yeux qui s'éveillent à la vie
Séchez vos larmes, jetez vos armes
Faites du monde un paradis

Refrain

Il faut penser au passé de nos pères
Et aux promesses qu'ils n'ont jamais tenues
La vérité c'est d'aimer sans frontières
Et de donner chaque jour un peu plus
Car la sagesse, et la richesse
N'ont qu'une adresse : le paradis

Refrain

Et puis le jour où l'amour sur la terre
Deviendra roi, vous pourrez vous reposez
Lorsque la joie couvrira nos prières
Vous aurez droit à votre éternité
Et tous les rires de votre empire
Feront du monde un paradis

This song reminds me so much of school days; the most innocent days of our lives. It also reminds me of soeure Veronique, the sweet lady that stayed with us for a very short while, but had a lovely way of teaching.

Wagadtouhaa!!! : Lilali :D

2006-04-25T16:14:00.000+02:00

Okay I've wanted to get this song for ages, but the problem was that I didn't know the singer, the song name or the song words (bass ya3ny :P). So today after searching for so many "Li La Li La Li La"s and "Li La Li La La"s I finally found it :D (If any of my friends told me he/she already had it hatgiely azma albeyya, so plz don't :P Anyways, the singer is Kim Kay, the song is Lilali or La Vie En Lilali and here goes the lyrics :D

Kim Kay, la vie en lilali

Il est sept heures quinze
Je prends le métro
Encore dix minutes
Je suis au boulot
Si je pourrais arrêter
Cette chaîne mécanique
Ça doit être assez facile
Une panne électrique

Li la li la li la, li la li la la
Li la li la li la, li la li la la
Li la li la li la, li la li la la
Li la li la li la, li la li la la

Il est douze heures trente
Il ne faut pas tarder
Je mange mes tartines
Avec du café
Si je pourrais m'échapper
J'irai au Pacifique
Si je pourrais me défouler
Une évasion physique

Li la li la li la
Li la li la la

Li la li la la
Li la

Le boulot fini
Moi je suis partie
Dans la discothèque
Je vois mes amis
Balayés et nettoyés
Fraîches et énergiques
Bien prête à participer
Une ambiance magique

Li la li la li la, li la li la la
Li la li la li la, li la li la la
Li la li la li la, li la li la la
Li la li la li la, li la li la la

Li la li la la
Li la li la la
Li la

Eh bien vous comprenez
Ce n'est pas compliqué
J'aime la folie
J'aime la liberté li la li la li la la
J'adore la musique
Je voudrais me perdre dans
Un rythme exotique
Le boulot fini
Moi je suis partie
Dans la discothèque
Je vois mes amis
Balayés et nettoyés
Fraîches et énergiques
Bien prête à participer
Une ambiance magique

Li la li la li la, li la li la la
Li la li la li la, li la li la la
Li la li la li la, li la li la la
Li la li la li la, li la li la la

Li la li la li la, li la li la la
Li la li la li la, li la li la la

Li la li la la la la

J'adore la musique
Je voudrais me perdre dans
Un rythme exotique

Moi je suis partie...

Singin' in The Rain

2006-04-25T15:32:00.000+02:00

I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin',
Singin' in the rain
Dancin' in the rain
Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah
Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah
I'm happy again!
I'm singin' and dancin' in the rain!
I'm dancin' and singin' in the rain...

[ADDITIONAL VERSE]
Why am I smiling
And why do I sing?
Why does September
Seem sunny as spring?
Why do I get up
Each morning and start?
Happy and head up
With joy in my heart
Why is each new task
A trifle to do?
Because I am living
A life full of you.

Of course I have no idea why anyone would post this in the month of April :P

I've learnt

2006-04-25T13:06:00.000+02:00

You are never sure if there is a tomorrow, a next morning, after an hour, in a few minutes. All you have is here and now. There could be no other chance. If you have something to say do say it. If you have a seed to plant go plant it. If you have a chance to live, to love seize that chance, with all the strength you've got. Fill the world with the warmth in your heart. Share your feelings. Show how much you care. Spread the energy of love, for you never know if you will have another chance. Let there be love. Let there be peace.

Solitary Sea

2006-04-25T02:45:00.000+02:00

Swimming in My Ocean

2006-04-25T02:14:00.000+02:00

Brothers and Sisters

2006-04-25T00:50:00.000+02:00

"We've learned to fly the skies like birds, we've learned to swim the seas like fish but yet we haven't learned to walk the earth as brothers and sisters."

Indeed it seems. I just can't imagine how a person can have the heart to take a life?! Life of an innocent.. Life.. ALLAH's most preciousl gift and most special miracle. How can you just take a life away?!

Thank you Ryu for the quote.

Walls

2006-04-24T22:51:00.000+02:00

Some build walls to keep people out.
Others build them to see who'd care enough to bring them down, or jump over to them.
They build their own prison with their own hands, though they don't really want it.
In both cases, the walls look just the same.
How can you tell whether it's a stay away or come hither wall?

Puzzles...

2006-04-23T19:27:00.000+02:00

Sometimes the pieces of the puzzle seem like they would fit, almost perfectly, like no other pieces would. Yet you find out they don't. Not smoothly interlinking or edges not aligning. Why was there a connection in the first place? Why then the repulsion? A thousand questions.. Everything happens for a reason, but what is the reason? An answer that can hold within it life or death; a beginning and an end. No matter what.. there is always a lesson to be learnt. But what is the lesson?
Well that is the puzzle...

Apple Red

2006-04-23T18:25:00.000+02:00

You Are Apple Red

You're never one to take life too seriously, and because of it, you're a ton of fun.
And although you have a great sense of humor, you are never superficial.
Deep and caring, you do like to get to the core of people - to understand them well.
However, any probing you do is light hearted and fun, sometimes causing people to misjudge you.

What Color Red Are You?

Three Question Personality Test

2006-04-23T18:01:00.000+02:00

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF)
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.
You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.
You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.
In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.
At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.
With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.
As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.
On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Sunset

2006-04-23T17:55:00.000+02:00

You Are Sunset

Even though you still may be young, you already feel like you've accomplished a lot in life.
And you feel free to pave your own path now, and you're not even sure where it will take you.
Maybe you'll pursue higher education in a subject you enjoy - or travel the world for a few years.
Either way, you approach life with a relaxed, open attitude. And that will take you far!

What Time Of Day Are You?

Water Flowing

2006-04-23T17:09:00.001+02:00

I listen closely..
tune in more and more attentively..
The faint voice inside..
I can hear the same whisper..
The same sound of water..
I can feel it..
With every drop of my existence..
That beloved precious water..
I do.

Quotes of Inspiration

2006-04-23T16:39:00.000+02:00

The little space within the heart is as great as the vast universe. The heavens and the earth are there, and the sun and the moon and the stars. Fire and lightening and winds are there, and all that now is and all that is not. --The Upanishads

Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. --The Land Before Time

Serenity isn't freedom from the storm, but peace within the storm. --Unknown

The way is not in the sky, the way is in the heart. --Gautama Buddha

The flute of the infinite is played without ceasing and its sound is love. --Kabir

More grows in the garden than the gardener knows he has sown. --Spanish Proverb

All know that the drop merges into the ocean but few know that the ocean merges into the drop. --Kabir

The winds of grace are always blowing, but it is you that must raise your sails. --Rabindranath Tagore

Men cannot see their reflection in running water, but only in still water. --Chuang Tzu

Every answer asks a more beautiful question. --e e cummings

What the soul knows is often unknown to the man who has a soul. We are infinitely more than we think. --Kahlil Gibran

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. --Lao-tzu

The elixir is hidden in the poison. --Rumi

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes but in having new eyes. --Proust

They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. --Edgar Allan Poe

Real generosity towards the future lies in giving all to the present. --Albert Camus

No tree has branches so foolish as to fight amongst themselves. --Ojibwa Indian saying

There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. --Mother Teresa

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. --Angela Schwindt

We can do no great things; only small things with great love. --Mother Teresa

Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. --Gibran

Sometimes life's shadows are caused by our standing in our own sunshine. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

Walk with those seeking Truth. Run from those who think they've found it. --Deepak Chopra

There are treasures beyond compare in the ocean. If you seek safety stay ashore. --Sufi saying

There are times when we must sink to the bottom of our misery to understand truth, just as we must descend to the bottom of a well to see the stars in broad daylight. --Vaclav Havel

I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings. My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salute that Source in you. Let us work together for unity and love. --Gandhi's Prayer For Peace

Who knows where the road will lead us...

2006-04-23T16:25:00.000+02:00

All The Way Lyrics
by Celine Dion

When somebody loves you
It's no good unless he loves you - all the way
Happy to be near you
When you need someone to cheer you - all the way

Taller than the tallest tree is
That's how it's got to feel
Deeper than the deep blue sea is
That's how deep it goes - if its real

When somebody needs you
It's no good unless he needs you - all the way
Through the good or lean years
And for all the in between years - come what way

Who know where the road will lead us
Only a fool would say
But if you'll let me love you
It's for sure I'm gonna love you - all the way, all the way

One Misty Morning

2006-04-23T13:17:00.000+02:00

She left me..
One Misty Morning..
She left without warning..

Big Bro

2006-04-19T22:14:00.000+02:00

I always thought having an older brother would've been an annoying thing. Little did I know ;)

Huh

2006-04-18T23:20:00.000+02:00

Deadly busy, can hardly breathe, overloaded with stuff to do... when all out of the blues, without any reason that meaningless wound starts bleeding. Gotta finish those documents though...

Tagged

2006-04-13T18:34:00.000+02:00

I have been tagged by Rain. Thank you Rain, a nice way to break the boredom while this software setup finishes :)

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4.
"Outside, Gudrun and Ursula listened for their father's playing on the organ" – Women in Love, D. H. Lawrence.

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
I did it, even stretched my right arm backwards too :D

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Huh.. TV? Well there was that mosalsal playing yesterday while I was having dinner; "Lel tharwa 7esabat o7'ra". I saw the last 2 mins of it, does that count? :D

4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
7 PM

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
6:39 PM.

6.With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Air Conditioner. I remembered now I'm feeling cold. *reaches out to the remote and switches it off.* Now it's the sound of the Neon light saying zzzzzz. Well, I'm sitting in an empty room in an almost vacant company and everything is soooo dully silent.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Almost two hours ago, I came work from the client's.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Rain's blog.

9. What are you wearing?
Very Casual wear. Turquoise vest, 2 turquoise LiveStrongs, 1 Lamouny, Turquoise watch that I love. (a total aquatic look :D)

10. Did you dream last night?
Question is, did I sleep last night?

11. When did you last laugh?
Almost an hour ago.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
an air coditioner, two posters; one saying "Accumulate learning by study, understand what you learn by questioning" Ming Jiao Jiufeng and the other saying "I have not failed, I've just found 10 000 ways that won't work" - Thomas Edison. LOL, development room be sa7iee7 :D

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Hmm.. define weird :D

14. What do you think of this quiz?
Nice :)

15. What is the last film you saw?
Anna and the king

16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A villa by the sea having a private beach and a decently large swimming pool with palm trees surrounding the place and no high buildings around :D No need for the villa even, just a little hutt with a pool and private beach :P

17. Tell me something about you that I dunno.
LOL, what is it that you dunno about me ya Rain? :P

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Spread Love and open-mindedness somehow. And start Aikido, Tai Chi and Salsa classes for girls :P Have a swimming day for ladies all day long just as well :P

19. Do you like to dance?
I LOVE it and adore it :D I love moving in general (sports and stuff), so dancing is basically such a beautiful form of moving in a way harmonious with the music. A way of expressing one self physically, and just create beauty simply by moving spontaneously the way your heart desires. (I'm thinking ballet-like moves as I write this, but I love many kinds; latin, slow, eastern, etc...)

20. George Bush.
No comment.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
I've always wanted a "Nada", but now that I know guys have that as a family name makes me think twice. I like Nirvana just bcoz of it's meaning, but it's too much for a little one.

22.Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
I never imagined my first child as a boy :P I think Yousef is nice.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
A little, but discarded the thought.

24.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in their journal.
Well I'm not very sociable around blogs (A).

2006-04-13T02:55:00.000+02:00

Did I accidentally step into a lost paradise, or is it just the grass, greener on the other side? Is it paradise or hell?

I don't know how to fake it

2006-04-09T03:39:00.000+02:00

I never know how to do anything from 'behind my heart' as we say in Arabic. I don't know how to pretend. The best I can do is hide my feelings of care or being touched, but never the opposite, never pretend the existence of feelings that are not there, or acting like they exist. I like things natural, spontaneous, coming right out of the heart, warm and sincere. Otherwise it'd be meaningless and tasteless.

I can't pretend anymore that thread is still there, intact. It had been cut and I don't know if it's possible, or if it'd do anyone any good to get it back the way it used to be. It got thinner and thinner every day. I am not free from blame for it getting thinner. I was not a good friend. I did not stand there the way you needed, the time you needed me. But I didn't quite understand you. Let's just say that things work in totally different ways inside both of us. That's why I wasn't able to get it. You never ever were able to get it just as well. You never understood me. Whenever I needed your support, all I found was sarcasm for my so assumed 'stone-heartedness' and whatever stuff you found worth making fun of.

I have met other people who have helped me understand myself better than that. For the first time I was able to reach down and understand the real me. I have quite understood them so well too. I have been able to connect to them and understand how they feel. That kind of mutual understanding has increased the functioning of some 'caring' and 'giving' glands in there. It has made me feel secure enough to show that kind of care. It has made a better person out of me. Thank you my friends.

I really don't know what to say, but I don't deserve the labels you still stick to me. You took the scissors and made the final cut. It cut right through me, and with that cut into pieces that thread and the labels. I just don't feel it anymore. I wonder if you still do, or is it just out of duty or habit?!

I think that post was just plain cruel. I had to let it out though, knowing I can never really communicate any of that to whom it might concern.

Zehe2t

2006-04-07T22:02:00.000+02:00

Huhh.. still sitting here since the afternoon lamma zhe2t!! I've been doing too much of those blogthings tests, while I should've been in Sheraton in the ICIT reunion (after missing the other 2 reunions for the most stupid reasons:S). I miss those people really. I wish I could've been able to make it today, was dreaming of it actually/ :(

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

2006-04-07T22:01:00.000+02:00

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

What Color Green Are You?

2006-04-07T21:20:00.000+02:00

You Are Mint Green

Balanced and calm, you have mastered the philosophy of living well.
Your friends seek you out for support, and you are able to bring stability to chaotic situations.
You're very open and cheerful - and you feel like you have a lot of freedom in life.
Your future may hold any number of exciting things, and you're ready for all of them!

What Color Green Are You?

Type of Writer Should You Be?

2006-04-07T21:13:00.000+02:00

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways.
And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery...
Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever.
You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

How Happy Are You?

2006-04-07T21:08:00.000+02:00

Oookay, that was the exact percentage I got in a similar Tickle test!

You Are 68% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world.
Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

The Five Factor Personality Test

2006-04-07T20:56:00.000+02:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

Neuroticism:

You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

What Do People Envy About You?

2006-04-07T20:53:00.000+02:00

Well that was the test name, I can't see it though as a cause for envy!

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain.
People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

What Do People Envy About You?

How Is Your Inner Child :D

2006-04-07T20:45:00.000+02:00

Your Inner Child Is Happy

You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing.
You're cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes.
And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad.
You figure there's just so many great things to look forward to.

How Is Your Inner Child?

World's Shortest Personality Test

2006-04-07T20:42:00.000+02:00

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant.Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.
You are unique, creative, and expressive.You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

The Book of Life

2006-04-07T19:23:00.000+02:00

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back. -- Charlie Brown

Sleepless...

2006-04-07T15:54:00.000+02:00

Sleep wouldn't come easily to me yesterday. I was too bored, came online to read more movie quotes, chatted a bit with Bareek Amal. By the time I got up it was a little after dawn. The morning light was finding its was through. I looked out of the window admiring the scene. At the very far end of the horizon stands the Mokattam hill. The street lights look so beautiful from afar. Like precious gems scattered along the horizon. Little white and orange twinkling lights, like stars shining through the milky way. I also imagined them like waves in the ocean (don't ask :P , everything 3andy takes them form of water sooner or later it seems lol). I stood there filling my chest with the morning fresh air. The birds were singing as they were starting their day... and with that I go to bed :D I try again to sleep but in vain. Thoughts are rushing through my head, trying to assess the whole past year. I feel it is truely time for a change. I can't go on like this for I don't know how long. K. once told me it's not the right way to start a change in oneself aggressively. Like telling myself.. I want to be like that (inside), then force the change upon oneself. Thinking about it, was that what I'm trying to do here? I guess not. I mean I wasn't trying to force an external change, I was merely trying to free who I am inside. I didn't even force it. I only started putting the idea in head. I do not quite know what happened after that. One wave hit me, I lost my balance and that was it. I lost count of it all. It was the catalyst that moved the whole reaction on fast forward. It's a positive thing to have a catalyst in one's life that would accelerate transformations that might take ages otherwise, but no, not a sad catalyst. I made many things linked to her, to the memory of her. Everything that happened during that period. The connections and disconnections. They have become so sacred to me, all for the memory of her. But nothing in this world is permanent. No, neither the chain reaction that was initiated back then. And I have to let go, let loose. "Expect poison from the standing water" they say. No I don't want poison in there. Purity is the one good thing I was glad to have. I cherish it and want to hold on to it no matter what. Even if it means sending all the water away. It all came too soon. Everything has a place and time, and now was simply not the time. Go back to sleep, precious one. It's not as cold as it used to be, don't fret.

A day not as boring

2006-04-07T15:02:00.000+02:00

Yesterday was not as terrible as the day before it. It had a nice start, with Rain calling in to check after reading about all the stuff that'd been happening to me here. Grandma followed and then Suma, who was quite surprised as she didn't have the slightest idea. Umm.. my boss called too, telling me about this task he wants me to perform.. then asking me to do it on Saturday if possible!! From how my voice sounded it was quite clear I can't guarantee anything. I was able to lift my head out of bed, quite an advancement from the day before, so I logged in. I started my research about greek mythology, one certain myth I had started to write about, but realized I was unsure about some of the details. The search took me from Mythology to Salvador Dali paintings to... Freud.. All I have read or heard about the guy so far had been bits and pieces here and there, so I am not yet in position to form a complete image. Some of his conclusions really strike me. I mean poor Oedipus guy, and that Electra. I bet Ovid never suspected his heroes will ever by considered "Complexes" and for what.. I mean they didn't.. well I dunno how to put this, but Oedipus didn't even know that man he killed was his own dad and that lady was his Mum. Electra too, well her Mum killed her dad. Don't expect her to be so happy about it. It was all quite platonic, why make a big fuss out of it and transform all characters to "complexes". I really wonder how he proved his... theories. Where did he find all these people with all kinds of abnormalities, and research their backgrounds and find those common points, from where he could come out with credible conclusions. I personally prefer Jungian analysis.

Quotes From Still Breathing

2006-04-07T03:51:00.000+02:00

Rosalyn Willoughby: There are two things I always wanted to believe in but didn't dare. One is that there was one man, somewhere, who was made just for me. The other is that I just might deserve him.

Fletcher McBracken: I have this terribly archaic notion that art should be about beauty... and passion... and, well, redefining an imperfect world in a perfect way.

Ida, Fletcher's Grand Mother: I know. It's more of a curse than a blessing.
Rosalyn Willoughby: What?
Ida, Fletcher's Grand Mother: Being smart and what people call beautiful. I'm not bragging, but in my day I was considered quite a catch. I don't think I ever met a man I felt could outsmart me - out-think me. How those silly creatures did bore me. Oh, it does cause quite a fuss, that combination: smart and beautiful. But it's mostly in your own gut. See, the problem is, you stop believing that he *could* be out there waiting for you.
Rosalyn Willoughby: Who?
Ida, Fletcher's Grand Mother: Your true love.

Quotes From Anna And The King

2006-04-06T22:44:00.000+02:00

Prince Chulalongkorn: It is always surprising how small a part of life is taken up by meaningful moments. Most often they're over before they start even though they cast a light on the future and make the person who originated them unforgettable.

King Mongkut: When a woman who has much to say says nothing, her silence can be deafening.

Quotes From Equilibrium

2006-04-06T22:27:00.000+02:00

Partridge: You always knew. [begins to read from Yeats]
Partridge: "But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams." I assume you dream, Preston.

John Preston: I'll do what I can to see they go easy on you.
Partridge: We both know they never "go easy".
John Preston: Then, I'm sorry.
Partridge: No, you're not. You don't even know the meaning. Its just a vestigial word for a feeling you've never felt.

John Preston: There's no war. No murder.
Partridge: What is it you think we do?
John Preston: No. You've been with me, you've seen how it can be - the jealousy, rage.
Partridge: A heavy cost. I pay it gladly. [Reaches for his gun]

John Preston: When we return from the Nether it always reminds me of why we do what we do.
Partridge: It does?
John Preston: [Pauses; He takes notice of Partridge's intonation] I beg your pardon?
Partridge: [Withdraws Prozium-administering device from his pocket and injects himself with it.] It does.

Mary: Let me ask you something. [Grabs his hand]
Mary: Why are you alive?
John Preston: [Breaks free] I'm alive... I live... to safeguard the continuity of this great society. To serve Libria.
Mary: It's circular. You exist to continue your existence. What's the point?
John Preston: What's the point of your existence?
Mary: To feel. 'Cause you've never done it, you can never know it. But it's as vital as breath. And without it, without love, without anger, without sorrow, breath is just a clock... ticking.

John Preston: Then I have no choice but to remand you to the Palace of Justice for processing.
Mary: Processing. You mean execution, don't you?
John Preston: Processing.

Brandt: Always practicing, Cleric. Maybe that's why you're the best.
John Preston: Maybe I'm just better.

Brandt: What are you doing?
John Preston: I'm rearranging my desk.
Brandt: You didn't like the way it was before?
John Preston: I had no feelings about it. I'm merely attempting to optimize.

Brandt: I'm not feeling! He is the one who's feeling!

Father: Libria, I congratulate you. At last peace reigns in the heart of man. At last war is but a word whose meaning fades from our understanding. At last, we are whole. Librians, there is a disease in the heart of man. Its symptom is hate. Its symptom is anger. Its symptom is rage. Its symptom is war. The disease is human emotion. But Libria, I congratulate you, for there is a cure for this disease. At the cost of the dizzying highs of human emotion, we have suppressed its abysmal lows. And you, as a society, have embraced this cure. Prozium. Now we are at peace with ourselves and human kind is one. War is gone. Hate, a memory. We are our own conscience now, and it is this conscience that guides us to rate EC-10, for emotional content, all those things that might tempt us to feel, again, and destroy them. Librians, you have won. Against all odds, and your own natures. You, have, survived.

Father: Prozium - The great nepenthe. Opiate of our masses. Glue of our great society. Salve and salvation, it has delivered us from pathos, from sorrow, the deepest chasms of melancholy and hate. With it, we anesthetize grief, annihilate jealousy, obliterate rage. Those sister impulses towards joy, love, and elation are anesthetized in stride, we accept as fair sacrifice. For we embrace Prozium in its unifying fullness and all that it has done to make us great.

Father: Mankind united with infinitely greater purpose in pursuit of war than he ever did in pursuit of peace.

DuPont: Be careful Preston. You're treading on my dreams.

DuPont: Wait! Wait! Look at me. Look at me. I'm life. I live... I, I breathe... I feel. Now that you know it... can you really take it? Is it really worth the price? [Preston sees a flash of Mary's face]
John Preston: I pay it gladly.

Quotes From Dream For An Insomniac

2006-04-06T22:08:00.000+02:00

There are too many mediocre things in this world to deal with, love shouldn't have to be one of them.

"In order to win, you must expect to win." Dan Fouts

"Every action and pursuit is thought to aim at some good. The good has rightly been declared to be that at which all things aim." Aristotle

"Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers." Lord Tennyson

"I am now a central part of your mind's landscape whether you care or do not." Steven Morrissey

"I am troubled immeasurably by your eye. I am struck by the feather of your soft reply. The sound of glass speaks quick disdain and conceals what your eyes fight to explain." Jim Morrison

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." George Bernard Shaw

"Life can only be understood backwards." Kierkegaard

Dare to dream...

2006-04-06T21:22:00.000+02:00

My Day as a Zombie

2006-04-05T21:59:00.000+02:00

I was planning to go to work today, but I woke up like a zombie. I was shivering in my sleep. I called at work and told them I can't make it today also... Boring day... I had plans for spending these days I was resting at home for foot injury and was planning to make good use of them. Little did I know that flu was planning to jump in. And that stomach ache.. Oh GOD!! I spent some time online then threw myself to bed. I stayed there senseless for I don't know how long. I got some phone calls from people who have heard the news. It was really nice of them. Moon called me too. She wanted us to go to el Sakia, but I didn't know how make it out of bed :S I called Grandma to check on her, since she's ill too. Before coming to write this I lay on a sofa, covering myself with a blanket. I do some crochet then feel tired and fall to sleep. I WANNA GET BETTER BA2AAAAAA !!!!!!

Full Stop

2006-04-04T20:28:00.000+02:00

She gets the ball. For her that is the final catch. It isn't just a ball to her, she considers it a full stop. Yes, a full stop for the last sentence of the last section of this chapter. She has grown so exhausted from that game. She wants to learn the lesson so she was holding on till the last moment. But she has come to the end of the line now. She has learned the rules of the game, so isn't it enough? Doesn't that put an end to that chapter? "Nobody can help you if you cannot help yourself" it states. Indeed she has learned that lesson, grasped it to the fullest. The ones who care unfortunately do not have the means to. And those who do.. well she bets they wouldn't care. Please tell me she hasn't come out of this chapter empty handed. Please tell me she's not back to the very starting point again. Well, she wants to close down those bridges she had built for others to cross to her, but at least she doesn't want to rebuild the walls she once had. She doesn't want isolation no more, no quite the opposite. I guess that's a good distance away from where she had started.

The Oyster

2006-04-04T20:25:00.000+02:00

(Written almost two weeks ago)

The little oyster decided to put an end to its isolation. It wanted to start opening up its shell. Cautiously she starts doing so, deciding this should take place only small steps at a time. Taking things gradually has been the safest way she had learnt. She starts peeping from the small opening in her shell to the vast ocean in amazement. How could she keep herself away from all that beauty for so long, she wondered! She was glad she had taken that step, yet sticking to her decision; only one step at a time.

Suddenly a strong wave struck the little oyster at a time when she least expected it. Her shell was hard enough to handle that kind of strong waves and keep the soft thing protected. But this time, it was not as sealed as it used to be. It had that small opening, the oyster had caused with its own hand which made the shell too weak to resist. The wave sprang the shell wide open. The oyster found such powerful currnts of water rushing in. Water is life, but it can bring death just as well. A beginning and an end it could be. She stands there, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to deal with all the new things that have invaded its soft fragile private space.

The Hidden Messages in Water

2006-04-03T22:11:00.000+02:00

I was really happy to come across this post in Haal's blog, being someone so deeply in love with water. I was very happy also to find these links there: http://www.whatthebleep.com/crystals/ and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masaru_Emoto. I was supposed to attend a session actually about this topic in Serafis, but I was ill and couldn't go :( Anyways, I wish I could try out these experiments myself.

Reflections on Love

2006-04-03T21:16:00.000+02:00

Lately I have come across two books that discuss the meaning of Love. The first one was "The Road less taken" which discusses Love Psychology. The second one was Paulo Coelho's beautiful novel "The Zahir". There he discusses it from a spiritual perspective. Both writers try from different perspectives to discuss the nature of love; what it is and what it isn't. Being someone who "converted" from being a thinking character to a feeling character in a year and being someone with lots of questions, I found the topic quite interesting. So you know what? I guess I'll give it a shot myself.

Love is the kind of feeling that you have another person inside of you. Your personal boundaries had been stretched to encompass another. You can connect to that person's feelings and emotions as if you two were one. You care deeply, may be more than you care about your own self.

As your concerns go way beyond the self now. You connect, not only to the other, but to the whole world better, to all creations. You are more sensitive to human feelings. You can more easily reflect and share others joy and sadness. You feel like you are embracing the world inside of you.

Such a deep warm feeling you have that could overflow your heart. And even if your tears start falling, no matter how bitter they might taste, they are such healers. They are a sign that the water inside that little spring; the heart has started flowing out of the earth. Water is life, love and emotions and it is such a purifier. It comes out taking away any dust or impurities, ridding you of any negativity you might have, leaving you washed, as innocent as a newly born child.

The laws of love

2006-04-03T19:50:00.000+02:00

I went sailing in the blogsphere where I came across this in La Perfuma De La Rose blog. Although I don't like the word "Laws" connected in any way to the word "Love", I do like what is being said.

From 7 Habbits of Highly Effective People:
The Laws of Love & the Laws of Life
When we make deposits of unconditional love, when we live the primary laws of love, we encourage others to live primary laws of life. In other words, when we truly love others without condition, without strings, we help them feel secure and safe and validated and affirmed in their essential worth, identity, and integrity. Their natural growth process is encouraged. We make it easier for them to live the laws of life - cooperation, contribution, self discipline, integrity-and to discover and live true to the highest and best within them. We give them the freedom to act on their own inner imperatives rather than react to our conditions and limitations. This does not mean we become permissive or soft. That itself is a massive withdrawel. We council, we plead, we set limits and consequences. But love, regardless.
When we violate the primary laws of love - when we attach strings and conditions to that gift we actually encourage others to violate the primary laws of life. We put them in a reactive, defensive position where they feel they have to prove "I matter as a person, independent of you". In reality, they aren't independent. they are counter-dependent, which is another form of dependency and is at the lowest end of the Maturity Continuum. They become reactive, almost enemy-centered, more concerned about defending their 'rights' and producing evidence of their individuality than they are about proactively listening to and honoring their own inner imperatives. Rebellion is a knot of the heart, not of the mind. The key is to make deposits - constant deposits of Unconditional Love.

Looking Beyond

2006-04-03T19:26:00.000+02:00

I have an issue with my eyes it seems.I find it hard to see things that might be right in front of me. I instantly go searching for what is beyond the apparent. I don't see what is there, but rather what could be. I guess the word "see" is inappropriate in this context. I am not sure if what I "see" truely exists hidden and I'm feeling it, or it doesn't even exist there and I'm merely imagining. Unfortunately I could easily lose connection with how things and people presently are. I imagine people's inner selves as vast huge oceans, with no limits, no ends. I don't like shallow water, but would rather jump right into the abandoned depths, dive inside, search for the treasures and hidden gems, free them, take them out to the light. A naive little girl diver I am I guess. I hope I don't go after a mirage, or drown in the ocean in the end.

Lets Mots (English Translation)

2006-04-03T15:19:00.000+02:00

Fixedly, the sky twists
When the mouth generates a word
I would give my whole life just to hear you
Speaking the the most tender words

When all becomes all alone
I'd break my life for a song
And two lives, that's to tomorrow's smile
I know, I will say goodbye
But a fraction of this life
I will give anything, anytime

The universe has its mysteries
The words are our lives

We could kill a life with words
Soul, how would it feel

If our lives are so fragile
Words are mysteries

Words, feelings
Words of love, a temple

If I swept the world away
What could touch the universe
I would tell you how the sun rose high
We could with a word become one

And for all these words which wound
There are those which we cherish
Those that illuminate, that touch the infinity
Even if nothing exists

For a fraction on this life
I will give anything, anytime

The universe has its mysteries
The words are our lives

We could kill a life with words
Soul, how would it feel

If our lives are so fragile
Words are mysteries

Words, feelings
Words of love, a temple

Home Captive

2006-04-03T14:45:00.000+02:00

Yesterday was such a dull day. I woke up with such a pain in my feet to start with. I have been 'bastahbel' for too long. The poor thing started hurting Thursday before last, but I didn't wanna give up and get some rest. I continued walking, jogging, swimming till it wasn't able to take it anymore last Wednesday. Only then I decided it DOES need some rest. I still went shopping with Mum on Thursday, went to gradnma on Friday and attended my graduation party on Saturday (I kept going here and there and jumping around in the latter :S). So it was its natural right to give me so much pain on Sunday morning, may be I would a7ess 3ala dammy and give it a break. Taurus are known for their patience and ability to endure (for me endure physical pain only), but that's not always a good thing, and I'm a living proof for that I guess. All the games I used to play before didn't work anymore; tiptoeing, dragging it along, "a3rog"... It still hurt so painfully. Soooo with that I went to work :D and what a wonderful day at work it was. I sported that sad face all day. Beside being in pain, I was too scared. I don't wanna have to stop the activities that I do. They are the main (may be the only) joy in my life currently. I wake up with a smile only for the promise I will do one of that stuff during the day. Huh.. anyways the day passed somehow. I was supposed to go to Chillis with my work mates, but instead I just said hello then went to the Emergencies doctor straight. He told me not to play any form of sports for the coming two weeks :S Yet he told me I can go to work (which I realized was impossible since I truely can not step on the ground without feeling so much pain). Anyways, I got back to my sad blog. I haven't been spending much leisure time on browing the internet or posting here since I was trying to 'live' instead of reading and writing about life ('Live' here means sports, friends and Sakiet El Sawy). But guess what.. being captivated at home, in my seat I guess "Reema" will get back to its old habit. It started with downloading Celtic and French songs yesterday and posting some of their lyrics and.. researching.. umm.. the nature of love. YES philosophy again! :P I guess that might be the main theme of my blabbering here for some time.

Philosophy and Football

2006-04-03T14:27:00.000+02:00

I don't know why I remembered this discussion with K yesterday. He was saying how eveyone has a refuge that helps him escape his problem. He gave football and its players as an example, and celebrity obsession in general. I started thinking about my own refuge. Since giving up the Backstreet Boys obsession at the age of 18 I guess I was never interested in anything of that kind. I do not know if it is appropriate to compare this to that, but I was wondering if I subconsciously use philosophy and psychology for that purpose myself, as a hiding place?! I mean, instead of mentioning the problem in its very simplistic form I keep philosophising about it. I make it a universal issue, think about it in its most general terms instead of focusing on the specific case of my own self. Not only that, but I get the Sun and the Moon into the issue, not to mention awakening lady Venus from her sleep. Lots and lots of talking about earth, water and fire.. and.. and.. and.. bringing more and more sophistication into my world and my issues... instead of solving them.

Les Mots

2006-04-03T01:39:00.000+02:00

Mylene Farmer et Seal

M.F.:
Fixement, le ciel se tord
Quand la bouche engendre un mot
Là, je donnerais ma vie pour t'entendre
Te dire les mots les plus tendres

Seal:
When all becomes all alone
I'd break my life for a song
And two lives, that's to tomorrow's smile
I know, I will say goodbye
But a fraction of this life
I will give anything, anytime

M.F.:
L'univers a ses mystères
Les mots sont nos vies
Seal:
We could kill a life with words
Soul, how would it feel
M.F.:
Si nos vies sont si fragiles
Seal:
Words are mysteries
M.F.:
Les mots, les sentiments
Les mots d'amour, un temple

Seal:
If I swept the world away
What could touch the universe
I would tell you how the sun rose high
We could with a word become one
M.F.:

Et pour tous ces mots qui blessent
Il y a ceux qui nous caressent
Qui illuminent, qui touchent l'infini
Même si le néant existe
M.F. & Seal:
For a fraction on this life
I will give anything, anytime

M.F.:
L'univers a ses mystères
Les mots sont nos vies
Seal:
We could kill a life with words
Soul, how would it feel
M.F.:
Si nos vies sont si fragiles
Seal:
Words are mysteries
M.F.:
Les mots, les sentiments
M.F. & Seal:
Les mots d'amour, un temple

Et si tu n'existais pas...

2006-04-03T00:35:00.000+02:00

Et si tu n'existais pas,
Dis-moi pourquoi j'existerais.
Pour traîner dans un monde sans toi,
Sans espoir et sans regrets.

Et si tu n'existais pas,
J'essaierais d'inventer l'amour,
Comme un peintre qui voit sous ses doigts
Naître les couleurs du jour.
Et qui n'en revient pas.

Et si tu n'existais pas,
Dis-moi pour qui j'existerais.
Des passantes endormies dans mes bras
Que je n'aimerais jamais.

Et si tu n'existais pas,
Je ne serais qu'un point de plus
Dans ce monde qui vient et qui va,
Je me sentirais perdu,
J'aurais besoin de toi.

Et si tu n'existais pas,
Dis-moi comment j'existerais.
Je pourrais faire semblant d'être moi,
Mais je ne serais pas vrai.

Et si tu n'existais pas,
Je crois que je l'aurais trouvé,
Le secret de la vie, le pourquoi,
Simplement pour te créer
Et pour te regarder.